Enneagram Quiz for Self Esteem: Find Your Personality Type and Get Tailor-Made Parenting Advice

Take this quiz for self esteem mixed with a free Enneagram test and get a powerful cocktail of parenting knowledge to build self esteem in your child!

In other words:

  • By discovering your Enneagram personality type, you'll get valuable insights into aspects of your personality and parenting behaviour.

  • When you've discovered your Enneagram personality type, you'll get tailor-made parenting advice to help you build high self esteem in your child!


What's in It for You, the Parent!

This quiz for self esteem is inspired by deep knowledge of the Enneagram. The Enneagram test is developed from a very comprehensive system for discovering your personality type.

This example of free personality quizzes - the Enneagram - describes your personality type in surprisingly precise terms as to how you think, act and relate to other people.

I myself have tried many personality tests and free personality quizzes, and in my opinion the Enneagram test is by far the most accurate.

Taking an Enneagram test is also highly useful if you are interested personal development and self improvement. The Enneagram gives you insights into how to free yourself from the constraints of your Enneagram personality type and live more happily with it.

When you have done my quick quiz for self esteem, you will:• Have an idea of what your main Enneagram personality is - there are 9 different Enneagram personalities.

  •  Get a powerful self esteem message that specifically fits your personality type.

  •  Get practical parenting advice and self esteem activities that suggest how your specific personality type can build high self esteem children.

What's in It for Your Kids!

When you have completed this quiz for self esteem, you will:

  • Know why some of the things you do with your kids don't work!

  •  Get practical parenting tips that enable you to enjoy your kids more, be more present with them - which is in itself an ingredient for building high self esteem children!

A Little Word on this Enneagram Quiz for Self Esteem!


As I mentioned briefly the Enneagram test is usually very comprehensive.

In this quiz for self esteem I have made an ultra, ultra light free Enneagram test. The shortness of this quiz for esteem, however, does mean that it may not be 100% accurate.

Therefore, take seriously the info which fits you, and discard that which doesn't!

If you end up in an Enneagram type that seems wrong, read some of the others to see if there is one that fits better.

If you feel you don't fit any Enneagram type, it's most likely because you don't like or want to recognize 'the dark side' of your Enneagram type. (It could, however, also be because you're Enneagram 4 and don't feel you fit anywhere or because you're Enneagram 3 and think you fit everywhere!).

If you fit the general picture of an Enneagram type, but find that there are a few things you don't recognize, try to stay with it anyway and see if there isn't some of the parenting advice you can use anyhow.

Most often there will be!

Let's start the Quiz for You, the Parent!


In the quiz for self esteem you will be presented with nine different categories of adjectives - one for each Enneagram type.

This is how you do the quiz for self esteem / free Enneagram test:

  • Read the personality boxes one after the other and notice which one that fits your personality the best.

  • When you read the boxes: don't think and ponder too much - use you instinct and gut feeling.

  • For the result to be most correct, it's important that you are honest - in other words, think of your personality as it is and not how you would like it to be.

  • If you are in doubt whether something is you or not - think of how other people would describe you. That is usually a very good indicator.

  • Most likely you will recognize something from many of the boxes, but when you choose which one resembles you the most - judge from the overall picture.

That's it!

Now, go for it!


Box No. 1


Enneagram personality 1

Is this you? (Remember, you don't need to put a cross against anything. Just read the whole box and then decide if what's in the box resembles you - if not, then read box no. 2 and so on and so forth!)

It's characteristic of me to be (and people would say about me that I am):

  • Moral
  • Reasonable
  • Prudent
  • Principled
  • Organized
  • Responsible
  • Punctual
  • Honest
  • Idealistic

Sometimes I tend to be (especially if I'm under stress or feel pressured):

  • Correcting others and feeling responsible for fixing other people's constant mess!
  • Too perfectionistic - can't let go of things even when they are 'good enough'!
  •  Very critical of others and myself - I have a strong inner judge!
  • Rigidly rule-bound: Things have be in a very specific way - everything else than the 'right' way, is 'wrong'!

Yes, this sounds like me! Tell me more about myself and give me self esteem parenting advice to build high self esteem children




Box No. 2


Enneagram personality 2

Is this you?

It's characteristic of me to be (and people would say about me that I am):

  • Thoughtful
  •  Helpful
  • Caring
  • Loving
  • Pleasing
  • Generous
  • Warm
  • An empath

Sometimes I tend to be (especially if I'm under stress or feel pressured):

  • Neglecting and sacrificing my own needs in my quest to meet others' needs!
  • Becoming possessive of others in my need for them to love me!
  • Emotionally manipulating others or victimizing myself to make my loved ones pay attention and giving me love!

Yes, this sounds like me! Tell me more about myself and give me self esteem parenting advice to build high self esteem children




Box No. 3


Enneagram personality 3

Is this you?

It's characteristic of me to be (and people would say about me that I am):

  •  Attractive
  • Effective
  • Charming
  • Successful
  • Goal-orientated
  • Outstanding
  • Motivating
  • Hardworking
  • A winner
  • A chameleon

Sometimes I tend to be (especially if I'm under stress or feel pressured):

  • Status seeking, self promoting and very image orientated!
  • Competitive, needing to be the best, the top of my field!
  • A workaholic!
  • Focusing on being attractive myself and making people close to me attractive too in order to get people's admiration!
  • Doing whatever it takes to get what I want and get where I want to be ... even to an extent where I lose touch with myself and who I am!

Yes, this sounds like me! Tell me more about myself and give me self esteem parenting advice to build high self esteem children




Box No. 4


Enneagram personality 4

Is this you?

It's characteristic of me to be (and people would say about me that I am):

  •  Emotionally 'deep'
  • Unique
  • Mysterious
  • Intuitive
  • Different
  • Artistic / creative
  • Special
  • Dramatic
  •  Individualistic

Sometimes I tend to be (especially if I'm under stress or feel pressured):

  •  Emotional, temperamental and a drama queen!
  • Very lonely and feeling that no-one understands me or can relate to the intensity of my feelings!
  • Envious of and sometimes feeling hate towards other people!
  • Withdrawn and absorbed in my own strong feelings and therefore not taking other people's feelings into account!

Yes, this sounds like me! Tell me more about myself and give me self esteem parenting advice to build high self esteem children




Box No. 5


Enneagram personality 5

Is this you?

It's characteristic of me to be (and people would say about me that I am):

  •  Objective
  • Curious
  • Clever
  • A thinker / analyst / intellectual
  • Private
  • Innovative

Sometimes I tend to be (especially if I'm under stress or feel pressured):

  •  Detached from people. I isolate myself, feeling that the world imposes itself on me and sucks out all my energy!
  • Self-indulgent and self-contained ... even eccentric!
  • Forgetting to take care of myself, physically neglecting myself!
  • Fearful and secretive!

Yes, this sounds like me! Tell me more about myself and give me self esteem parenting advice to build high self esteem children




Box No. 6


Enneagram personality 6

Is this you?

It's characteristic of me to be (and people would say about me that I am):

  •  Dependable
  • Careful
  • Trustworthy
  • Questioning / doubting
  • Committed
  • Cooperative
  • A trouble-shooter / predictor

Sometimes I tend to be (especially if I'm under stress or feel pressured):

  •  Very security orientated!
  • Relying too much on external structures, norms or authorities!
  • Anxious and worried!
  • Pessimistic!
  •  Suspicious and complaining

Yes, this sounds like me! Tell me more about myself and give me self esteem parenting advice to build high self esteem children




Box No. 7


Enneagram personality 7

Is this you?

It's characteristic of me to be (and people would say about me that I am):

  •  Free-spirited
  •  Adventurous
  • Spontaneous
  • Positive / optimistic
  • Fun-loving
  • A multi-tasker
  • A visionary
  • Entertaining

Sometimes I tend to be (especially if I'm under stress or feel pressured):

  •  Scatterbrained and easily distracted by 'other fun stuff'!
  • Doing all that I can to distract myself to escape negative feelings in myself and others!
  • Insensitive to others' pain!
  •  Greedy!
  •  Egoistic in the sense: It's my way or the highway!

Yes, this sounds like me! Tell me more about myself and give me self esteem parenting advice to build high self esteem children




Box No. 8


Enneagram personality 8

Is this you?

It's characteristic of me to be (and people would say about me that I am):

  •  Powerful
  •  Assertive
  •  Independent
  •  Direct
  •  Robust
  •  Decisive
  •  A leader
  •  A provider
  •  Confrontational

Sometimes I tend to be (especially if I'm under stress or feel pressured):

  •  Aggressive - have a very short fuse!
  •  Dominating and controlling!
  •  Intimidating - people sometimes fear me even if I'm not angry!

Yes, this sounds like me! Tell me more about myself and give me self esteem parenting advice to build high self esteem children




Box No. 9


Enneagram personality 9

Is this you?

It's characteristic of me to be (and people would say about me that I am):

  •  Peaceful
  •  Relaxed
  •  Easygoing
  •  Natural
  •  A lover of harmony
  •  Happy just being comfortable
  •  A good mediator

Sometimes I tend to be (especially if I'm under stress or feel pressured):

  •  Passive, lazy and apathetic!
  •  Complacent, self-effacing - going too much with the flow!
  •  Repressing my anger, which makes it explode uncontrollably at some point (to both my own and others' great surprise)!

Yes, this sounds like me! Tell me more about myself and give me self esteem parenting advice to build high self esteem children




End of Quiz for Self Esteem
Start of Results


The Perfectionist Reformer!
Personality Type Enneagram 1

Enneagram 1 - the perfectionist - photo of Hillary Clinton - photo of Ghandi statue - Photo of Pope John Paul II - Photo of Al Gore

You consider yourself a rational, moral and prudent person. People feel they can trust and count on you because they know you will always do everything in your power to keep your word and to do your best.

You're idealistic. You have very firm principles about what is right and what is wrong and have high moral standards of yourself and of other people.

It's very important to you that 'things are in order', that people abide by the rules, keep their word and show up on time.

You have a strong-voiced inner judge that tends to criticize others but which is also quite hard on yourself.

You often feel a strong responsibility to make things 'right' - to fix all the messes that other people make.

The High Self Esteem Message to You, the Perfectionist Parent:

What you may have forgotten about yourself: You are perfect just the way you are! You are a good person of high integrity and fairness. When you are in balance, you know how to do what is right!

Moving on to parenting tips for Enneagram 1, the Perfectionist.

Potential Parenting Issues for the Perfectionist:

  • Afraid to lose control: You prefer following the rules, you like order and everything has its proper place. When your kids don't follow the rules or the rules for reason cannot be upheld, it can leave you confused and lost with a sense of 'all hell is loose'. This unpleasant feeling makes you want to make things 'right' again, to fix them ... even if perhaps they can't or there is no logical reason to do so.

  • Your gift of self esteem to your kid: When something unexpected and unpleasant happens, try to take a deep breath and relax! Things will be okay even if they don't go as planned. Perhaps you may consider your rules or traditions like this: Which ones are really important and why, and which ones are less important and may be bent. You can boost your child's self esteem by making space within your rules for your child to make his or her own decisions: For instance, perhaps your kid needs to sleep at eight but you can let your child choose which pyjamas to sleep in. Read more about this type of child discipline in this positive parenting article.

  • Quick to judge: Your strong sense of right and wrong can make you very quick to judge something as either good or bad. You tend to have a vision of black and white with very few grey areas. This tendency to view things in a light of 'right' and 'wrong' may affect the way you look at your child: You may have a tendency to become critical!

  • Your gift of self esteem to your kid: Try to look at your child and his or her actions in a light of: There's no right and wrong, just different! Accept your kids for what they are. Also, your idealistic viewpoints and sense of justice are great in themselves but the power with you uphold may be so strong that there may no room for alternatives. Remember to leave space for your kids to learn their truths, their own way, at their own pace.

  • Cultivate spontaneity in playtime with your kid: Take some time out with your child and play joyful games that are not predefined. The rules are: you and your child decide what happens along the way!

  •  Your gift of self esteem to your kid: When you try to let go of some of the predictability and structure (even if it at first may seem difficult) you will come to find it very liberating. Your child will probably feel this as a very relaxed and present Mom or Dad!


The Friendly Helper!
Personality Type Enneagram 2

The Helper - Enneagram 2 - photo of Mother Teresa - photo of Eleanor Roosewelt - photo of Luciano Pavarotti - photo of Desmond Tutu

You are the archetypical 'Mother' - warm, loving and giving. To you, Enneagram 2, one of the most meaningful aspects of life is helping others.

Your most important values in life are those of closeness and love for family and friends - it's all about loving and being loved.

You will simply go out of your way to do what you can to make people you care about happy (not just your kids).

You may consider yourself somewhat of a selfless savior - helping other people is your moral job.

However, if people don't appreciate your efforts you may become quite angry and feel unappreciated.

High Self Esteem Message to You, the Helper Parent:

What you may have forgotten about yourself: You are loved and wanted for who you are! You don't have to go out of your way to help everybody all the time!

Moving on to parenting tips for Enneagram 2.

Potential Parenting Issues for the Helper:

  • Emotionally invasive or 'controlling': Your ability to 'merge' with and feel other people is a great asset. However, it may also feel intrusive, especially for older kids who want to be independent of their 'Mom'. I myself have an Enneagram 2 Mom and I have never once doubted that I was loved. However, 'leaving the nest' and wanting to become independent wasn't problem free. My mother, who was used to just emotionally feel me all the time, suddenly felt hurt and emotionally abandoned because I wanted to be myself. She felt 'unloved' by me because I didn't want her to know everything about me and didn't want her to take part in my emotions!

  • Your gift of self esteem to your kids: Do the best you can for your kids ... and then let them go. Trust that your kids will manage ... and that you will, too. Their leaving or 'cutting you off' has nothing to do with their love for you. When they feel your acceptance of this, it will help them in building high self esteem in terms of "I am my own person and can do it by myself and Mom or Dad is always there when I need them!".

  • Learn to say "No": Who wouldn't do anything for their kids. Well, you would! This is great and sometimes every parent has to compromise himself or herself. But also try to notice when it is not necessary for you to sacrifice yourself!

  • Your gift of self esteem to your kids: When you respect your own boundaries, you are less prone to crossing others' boundaries in your desire to feel another person. This is one aspect. Another aspect is that when you teach yourself to sometimes say 'no', you teach your kids that you respect yourself. This will empower both yourself and your kids because they will learn to respect you, too, and they will indirectly learn via your actions that respecting oneself is desirable.


The Hardworking Achiever!
Personality Type Enneagram 3

The Achiever - enneagram 3 - Madonna - Bill Clinton - Barbara Streisand - Elvis Presley


You're successful, you're popular, you're charming and you like it. You like to be admired!

Your image is important to you whether it is being the best in your professional field or the most attractive among your friends.

Also you're a do'er and you have success 'doing'. You do what it takes to reach your goal. You push your abilities to the utmost and are you are admired for your talents.

Success is important and your values tend to be what other people or society regard as successful.

However, this living up to your own and other people's high expectations is a lot of hard work.

The desire to be successful and attain other people's recognition tends to make you a very hard worker ... perhaps even with a streak of a workaholic.

High Self Esteem Message to You, the Achiever Parent:

What you may have forgotten about yourself: You don't have to be admired, valuable or to have success to be recognized and loved. You are already loved for who you are!

Moving on to parenting tips for Enneagram 3.

Potential Parenting Issues for the Achiever:

  • The need to be the best and perform well: Your need to strive to the fullest and make the most of yourself may influence the way you look at your kids. Unconsciously you may 'take their measure' and encourage (pace) them to 'do better': E.g. 'You can draw better than that' - 'You didn't practice your performance that much, did you'. You don't mean to devaluate them, you just want them to give their best!

  • Your gift of self esteem to your kids: Value your kids for what they are, not what they do. Your kids don't have to 'earn' your love by performing - really, they just need to be accepted and allowed to just be! Often, what we like doing is also what we're good at. But this is not always so. So if your kid is enjoying himself or herself but not doing it particularly well in your opinion, allow your kid to have his or her share of fun.

  • Slow down and spend time with your kids: You probably prioritize you job highly and may tend to be buried in work. Try to slow down, set boundaries for work hours and consider your priorities in life. Ask yourself: "What is it that really matters in life?"

  • Your gift of self esteem to your kids: Spending time with your kids in which you are not too stressed but really present, involved and listening will let them know they are not 'taking up your time' but are important and highly prioritized.


The Romantic Individualist!
Personality Type Enneagram 4

The Individualist - Enneagram 4 - Jackie Onassis - Alanis Morrisette - Prince - James Dean

You're probably very creative and it's important to you to feel unique or perhaps 'mysterious'.

You have a rich inner emotional life and an interesting inner fantasy world. Typically emotions are always intense and the rough emotions are just as 'good' as positive emotions - in fact, you feel that hard feelings make you feel more alive, that they are more 'true' and that happy feelings tend to be a bit shallow.

You're very self-aware and sensitive. You often feel very different from other people, which tends to make you feel lonely: 'No one can really understand me and what I feel!'

High Self Esteem Message to You, the Individualist Parent:

What you may have forgotten about yourself: You are significant! You are seen and understood for who you are! You are not alone out there -there are other people who feel the same way!

Moving on to parenting tips for Enneagram 4.

Potential Parenting Issues for the Individualist:

  • The world is okay: Try to focus on what is positive right here and right now rather than what is not. Your tendency to view the world in a negative light may make your kids feel insecure: If you don't like or trust the world, how can they!

  • Your gift of self esteem to your kids: Trying to maintain a positive outlook on life will positively rub off on your kids and make them feel safe and want to explore the world. Optimism is a powerful tool for wanting to engage fully in life.

  • Set a little structure to everyday life: Your impulses and spontaneity are strong but sometimes even creativity needs a few boundaries ... and kids especially do, too.

  • Your gift of self esteem to your kids: Moderate rules and structures make kids feel safe. When they can predict what will happen and when, they can relax and play more freely.

  • Moody: Your feelings are powerful and you may tend to act them out. See if perhaps you can postpone your reaction until the worst inner emotional storm is over. Your rollercoaster temper may make your kids and your partner feel they have to walk on eggshells around you.

  • Your gift of self esteem to your kids: When you are overwhelmed by your own feelings, it's difficult for you to make space for other people's feelings. Not reacting to the worst inner storm will make you more open and susceptible to what your kids may be feeling.


The The Objective Investigator!
Personality Type Enneagram 5

The Investigator - Enneagram 5 - Tim Burton - David Lynch - Charles Darwin - Sinead O'Connor

You're probably a brainy type and good at focussing on developing ideas and projects. You really want to understand how things work in depth and find the truth.

When you're out among people, you tend to take up an observer's position. You tend to feel isolated from people and not feel like you're part of this world.

You really want to be competent but sometimes rather than going out there and doing it, you tend to withdraw to the safety zone of your mind and ponder.

High Self Esteem Message to You, the Investigator Parent:

What you may have forgotten about yourself: You are competent. You can trust other people and they will help you with what you need. It's okay to be happy and comfortable. Being engaged in life doesn't have to deplete you of energy, you have more energy than you think!

Moving on to parenting tips for Enneagram 5.

Potential Parenting Issues for the Investigator:

  • Respect your own need for space AND then be present and let your kids in: Yes, kids are noisy and they are demanding, both emotionally and practically. However, the more you withdraw, the more you will feel your kid's demands as an intrusion. So when the kids are out or in bed, try to spend some time all alone to refuel. Respect this need.

  • Your gift of self esteem to your kids: Doing this will empower you to me more present with your kids when they are around. It will also make you more tolerant of their noise.

  • Use your body with your kids: You're most likely to have a job where you sit down a lot and use you mind. When you are with your kids, it's a great opportunity for you to reconnect with your body and do some physical activities with them - dancing, playing ball, wrestling etc.

  • Your gift of self esteem to your kids: Physical closeness and touch is a very basic way of connecting which we all love, kids also.


The Critical Loyalist!
Personality Type Enneagram 6

The Loyalist - Enneagram 6 - Princess Diana - Julia Roberts - Tom Hanks - Richard Nixon

You're very loyal to your friends and loved ones. You're reliable and hardworking.

You're also quite security-orientated. You may become anxious and worried if you feel your security is somehow threatened.

To avoid feeling this anxiety, you try to predict and make plans for the future in order to reduce risks and dangers: "How can I avoid future problems.

This need for security tends to result in a tendency to suppress the voice of your own gut feeling and rely on structures, support and authorities outside of yourself to make you feel safe.

High Self Esteem Message to You, the Loyalist Parent:

What you may have forgotten about yourself: You can trust yourself! You do have the inner resources to handle life and to embrace life. You are safe and secure and not without support and guidance.

Moving on to parenting tips for Enneagram 6 in this quiz for self esteem.

Potential Parenting Issues for the Loyalist:

  • Your child will manage: Letting go of our child so he or she can explore the world and feel the consequences of it is a difficult thing for every parent. But for you it is particularly difficult because you seem to see everything that can go wrong particularly clearly.

  • Your gift of self esteem to your kids: Accept that insecurity is a natural part of life. To reduce your sense of anxiety, let your kid know that you are always available so that your child can reach out for you if he or she needs to. This will make your child feel secure while still feeling free to explore. Also if your kid knows that you're there (either physically or as a resource for comfort), your kid will reach out when he or she needs to. Trust that, and letting go will be easier!

  • Trust your gut: Listening to authorities and to what has been 'proven' is great but you don't necessarily have to follow it. Trust yourself and listen to your instincts at the moment rather than to what you have been told is the right thing. (Read more about the challenge of following your kid's needs rather than the norms in this attachment parenting article.)

  • Your gift of self esteem to your kids: When you try to tune in to your child and 'read' what it is your child needs, your child will get a response from you that is tailor-made him or her. This will make your child feel heard and understood - something essential in building high self esteem children.


The Enthusiastic Adventurer!
Personality Type Enneagram 7

The Adventurer - Enneagram 7 - Robin Williams - Bette Midler - Goldie Hawn - Steven Spielberg

People like you because you're free-spirited, fun and spontaneous to be with.

You're a fantastic idea generator and you love thinking about all the great stuff that the future holds.

You love starting new projects, but doing them and finishing them is less fun. Once routine and obligation set in, which they inevitably do, your projects are much less fun.

Once things lose their spark of 'newness' and excitement, you tend to feel trapped. This happens in all aspects of life: job, relationships, hobbies etc.

You intensely dislike negative feelings - both in yourself and others. So what you do when you encounter hard, 'negative' feelings in yourself and others (or when you get bored and restless) is that you 'run away', get distracted or simply ignore or shut off whatever is uncomfortable.

This tendency tends to make people think that you're shallow or superficial.

High Self Esteem Message to You, the Adventurer Parent:

What you may have forgotten about yourself: You are free! Ultimate freedom is found in pure presence, right here right now with yourself and whoever you're with. To get the most out of life - enjoy the moment and accept that negative feelings are okay. Also accept that it's okay to rely on people - it doesn't make you weak or trapped. People will support you if you allow them to.

Moving on to parenting tips for Enneagram 7.

Potential Parenting Issues for the Adventurer:

  • Force your speedy mind to stay present with your kids: I know it's tough; I'm an enneagram 7, too. You're trying to be playing with your kids but your mind is ruthlessly racing and dreaming about all the other fun things you can do instead. But hey, stop! You don't need to be anywhere else ... even if you're bored. In fact, you're only bored because you're not present. Try to focus on being present and being involved right now, you will notice that that is where the fun is!

  • Your gift of self esteem to your kids: Kids can feel if you're not really there mentally. This will result in them craving you even more and potentially being more clingy. When you're present, your kids will feel it immediately and love it. In building self esteem, nothing beats a parent's pure presence!

  • Stay present through negative feelings: You feel hard feelings are very uncomfortable. You may even be scared of your kid's tantrums or emotional outbursts. This is understandable but try hard not to run away, ignore or distract yourself when this happens. Open your mind to these emotions, and you will discover that they actually don't hurt you!

  • Your gift of self esteem to your kids: When you stay calmly present when your kids show forceful emotions, you indirectly tell your kid that it's okay to have feelings. It's okay to be angry. To your kid it feels like: "Mom or Dad accepts and loves me no matter what!"

  • Make the mundane an experience in itself: Having kids suddenly imposes structure and responsibility, and it may seem like it invades your freedom. But making everyday mundane situations interesting and exciting is a way of overcoming this. For instance introduce new ways of playing with old toys, put food ingredients together in a new way, make spontaneous trips to new play grounds etc.

  • Your gift of self esteem to your kids: Many kids love new things and new experiences but what they really love is a parent that is having fun with them, too.


The Assertive Leader!
Personality Type Enneagram 8

The Leader - Ennegram 8 - Sigourney Weaver - Glenn Close - Martin Luther King jr. - Sean Connery

You're the leader type and have lots of inner power and charisma.

You're very practical-minded and have a strong intuition that you successfully use when you make a decision.

Your willpower is extremely strong and you can persuade more or less anybody to do what you want. Your energy is often so strong that even though you may not be angry people fear you or become intimidated by you.

This strong willpower and forceful energy also tends to make you dominating.

One of the reasons for your tendency to become dominating is that you fear to be controlled or to be under the influence of others. Therefore your strategy is to be the one in charge.

You may look tough on the outside, but you actually have a soft, perhaps even vulnerable heart which you rarely show. But once people are accepted by you, you become very loyal and willing to fight to the death for them: "No one messes with my people, my family, my kids ... or else ...!

High Self Esteem Message to You, the Leader Parent:

What you may have forgotten about yourself: It's okay to feel vulnerable and want to want to be taken care of. You don't have to protect yourself all the time - you can trust people and you will not be betrayed for doing it.

Moving on to parenting tips for Enneagram 8 in this quiz for self esteem.

Potential Parenting Issues for the Leader:

  • Notice your own force and intensity: Have you noticed how your presence can fill out a room and how strong your voice sounds. Well, this is because you are in possession of such powerful energy. However, this energy may also feel intimidating and may leave little space for others.

  • Your gift of self esteem to your kids: Because of this energy your kids may actually tend to be afraid of you, afraid to do things wrong, afraid to make decisions by themselves. If, and I know it's difficult, you apply less force in your voice, cool your temper, try to not push things so hard and relax more in what you do, there will be more space for your kids. They will most likely feel more relaxed and more free to explore and make decisions for themselves.

  • Listen to your kid before taking action: Your energy is bubbling to decide something and take action NOW. But wait, take a deep breath! Essentially it's an exercise in waiting and listening. Be present and try to really listen to what your kid has to say in case for instance your kid has broken a rule or done something inappropriate.

  • Your gift of self esteem to your kids: This attentiveness tells your kid that you view him or her as an equal that deserves to be seen and heard and understood.


The Mediating Peacemaker!
Personality Type Enneagram 9

The Peacemaker - Ennegram 9 - Audrey Hepburn - Ronald Reagan - Janet Jackson - Kevin Costner


You're kind-hearted and your calm energy has a healing effect on people. You have an amazing ability to accept others unconditionally and feel them and understand them, too.

Keeping the comfortable status quo and feeling harmony is really important to you. It's so important that you tend to disregard yourself and go along with something you don't like just to keep things nice and peaceful.

Your ability to see all sides to a point makes you a great mediator. However, it also makes it difficult to make a decision when everything seems important or true in its own way.

So as a result you tend to do nothing. Not acting on decisions and tending to go along with the flow make you seem passive or even lazy.

High Self Esteem Message to You, the Peacemaker Parent:

What you may have forgotten about yourself: You are a lot more powerful than you realize. You opinion and your presence matters! You deserve you own agenda!

Moving on to parenting tips for Enneagram 9.

Potential Parenting Issues for the Peacemaker:

  • Snap out of your daydream mode, use your body and be present: You may be present physically but mentally you may be somewhere completely different: you can be off into the past or in a daydream. It's often difficult for you to really be present 'right here, right now'. A good way to force your presence to stay in what you're doing is to use your body. Of all the enneagram types, enneagram 9 is the one with the deepest bodily connection. Use your body with your kids - this will make you acutely present.

  • Your gift of self esteem to your kids: My dad is enneagram 9 and some of my fondest childhood memories I have of him is when I was playing tennis, playing ball, just doing stuff physically with him. When he is physically active, he's 'forced' to be present and engaged.

  • Be emotionally available when dealing with parenting issues: When things become uncomfortable, you tend to either physically withdraw or just mentally shut off from the world. Try to force yourself to deal with whatever unpleasant emotional thing your child presents you with.

  • Your gift of self esteem to your kids: If your child doesn't get a reaction from you, he or she will tend to perhaps either scream louder or withdraw like yourself. Making your child feel heard and understood, empowers him or her to feel that they are okay even when they are mad or sad.

  • Learn to say 'no' to avoid exploding: Just like enneagram 2, you need to respect your own boundaries and say 'no', even to people you love. When you respect yourself, so will your kids. As mentioned you tend to go with the flow even when it's not right for you. When you continuously 'step on yourself', emotions bottle up inside and all of a sudden you find yourself exploding with anger. It doesn't happen often, but it does happen.

  • Your gift of self esteem to your kids: By respecting yourself, you indirectly teach your kids to respect themselves as well. You're a mirror. Respecting oneself and being able to say 'no' is proof of high self esteem: "I value myself so highly that I don't want to compromise myself!"

End of quiz!


If this quiz has sparked your interest in the Enneagram, you can read a lot more about your particular Enneagram type and the other Enneagram types on the Enneagram Institute website.

The examples of the famous Enneagram personality types in this quiz for self esteem I got from what is my opinion the best book ever written about the Enneagram: "The Wisdom of the Enneagram. The Complete Guide to Psychological and Spiritual Growth for the Nine Personality Types." by Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson.

Hope you enjoyed my quiz for self esteem! If you would like to read more parenting articles about self esteem and children, you can find relevant links on the bottom of this page.

Your Positive Parenting Ally,
Birgitte



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