Controlling Doesn't Even Begin To Describe It

by Gina
(Michigan)

Visitor's story:

At age 57, I have no good memories of my narcissist father, and here are a 'few' reasons why:

1. He would never do anything with the family unless the activity was something HE wanted to do.

2. He would never give a compliment or encourage. Never. If something good happened to me, he would shrug and walk off, or belittle, or mock, or say something demeaning or sarcastic. And I should point out here that I was a good student and never in trouble. A goody two-shoes type, if you will.

3. He would criticize every decision I made. It has taken me half a lifetime to have confidence in even the simplest of decisions and my own intelligence.

4. He would often 'pretend he doesn't see me' (walk by repeatedly without eye contact as if I am a ghost); but go out of his way to embarrass me in front of all outsiders (like telling my second grade teacher to feel free to spank me whenever necessary. Really. I am not kidding.) This also includes put-downs in front of relatives on holidays.

5. Gaslight/give bad advice or withhold advice on purpose and/or blind-side. In other words, he would orchestrate no-win situations for me to deal with, and play innocent and even lie when confronted later on about the whole fiasco.

There is more. MUCH more.

But you get the gist. My point of all of this is to recommend to GET AWAY from people like this! They will not and cannot change.

Distance is, in my experience, the best remedy. The mind games and verbal abuse ends, and you get your life back.

-- And it is YOUR LIFE. The sacrifice is worth it. Go and be happy, you deserve it.

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May 08, 2018
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Me too
by: Cleve

I too am 57 and have a father who was critical of everything I did and was always putting me down. I'm just trying to reconcile his behavior and move on.

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