Well, my father came from "old money" and my parents expected a significant inheritance shortly after they married. It didn't work out that way, and we lived in a trailer park when I was little.
My father had wanted to be an engineer but was not accepted into engineering school (not something I knew about until later). Both my parents were overweight and my mother had been obese during her early adulthood.
So.......I got conflicting feedback, from getting good grades (97%? where is the "other 3%....yes, literally, that is what I was told).
When I was 30, I was at a family party and my parents were there also. A guest told me that I was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. My mother overheard this, and later she and my father both commented that they never told me I was beautiful because they didn't want me to "get a big head".
I was no where near getting a "big head". I was constantly criticized. I developed OCD when I was 10. (Since been resolved. :-) ).
I became an engineer....I have done a lot of things.... but as an adult, the constant insults and eye-rolls caused me great turmoil...... am I doing something wrong by trying to do well?
It wasn't until I had my first child, and I could see objectively how they were going to put him through the same thing......that I confronted them. And just left their lives.
Other family members have left their lives, too, I found out later.
All this really sucked when it came to my marriage, because I was used to making everyone else happy, and being insulted and ignored.
Today, I try to keep my kids away from envy. And yes, I do tell them when they misbehave. But I NEVER criticize them personally.
~ Anonymous ~
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