It Was all for You
- Narcissism in a Different Disguise

by Snakes
(London)

Visitor's Story:

My story is probably less typical in a forum like this. I was raised with plenty of privileges and cannot remember anything that I would easily identify as abuse.

What actually led me here was the feeling of never having been a real person - always an observer, a listener, a mirror.

I realized that my mother is a bizarre sort of person - one that always looks perfect, and behaves and speaks like a television presenter, with perfect enunciation and absolutely no betrayal of emotion.

This realization led me to others. She had never seen any of her children as real and alive. All our perspectives and experiences were deliberately designed to have an effect on her.

If I cried because I was scared at night, I was manipulating her. When my sister got divorced, it was "how could you do this to me and destroy my dreams?".

I realized when she homeschooled me, she didn't want me to have friends. She actively worked to sabotage my friendships by suggesting disloyalty, bad character/traits, or by strictly limiting my time with the person. She would tell me my friend had said something about me to her that indicated they wanted me to go away. Usually I believed her.

It was only when I saw her excessive control in my sister's life (managing her marriage and divorce, inviting her ex husband to things, meeting with him behind her back to try and set them back up, rage when he eventually asked her to stop), that I began to put it together. Before then I felt like I was the problem.

We had screaming fights daily when I was a teen and I thought I was a super rebellious kid. Now I know - she was never there.

She is as shallow as an image, and too blind to really experience others at all.

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- Narcissism in a Different Disguise

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Jul 13, 2021
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by: Reed

I had very similar circumstances growing up, not much on the outside looked too odd. My parents made me and my brother believe they were basically the smartest people on earth and every decision they make is golden, they were also really good at putting out an exterior friendly, successful image to people. It’s hard for me because I’m able to see through the facade but no one else can and they don’t believe me when I report the abuse, comes across as I’m just someone with chemical imbalance or spoiled. My parents pushed me to be perfect in every category of life possible, had to be best athlete, get top grades, be good looking, very friendly, never get in any sort of trouble no matter how small or big, essentially an impossible task and would make me feel totally worthless if I couldn’t live up to their standards, the pressure when on when I was basically 5 years old and am now 38, it took me a long time to figure this out. I’ve had to try and learn how to get pleasure in the little things and to not perpetuate my parents ways on to other people as well, very difficult road to freedom but it’s better to be free. Good luck

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