Just Waking up to an Ugly Reality
I am a 66 year old daughter of a mom who is a narcissist.
My 3 sisters and I suffered from her abuse all our lives. My brother was never abused. My father never stepped in to protect us from her verbal assaults, humiliation, lying, regular abandonment, criticism, demeaning, embarrassing and accusing words.
I have no memory of ever being held, told I was delighted in, and rarely praised for anything. She was and still is (she is 94 now) the same way.
My sister and I were talking yesterday, and we both feel it will be a relief when she passes away. I know we will grieve, but we will be grieving never having a real mother.
Both my sister and I take mom shopping, and all the errands she wants to do every week. When I am with her, she demeans my sister and vice versa. It's tiring, frustrating, maddening and unbearably sad.
My sister and I are both Christians and have felt like we needed to "honor our mother" by not speaking up to her. I believed for years that the way I felt about my mother was sinful and self pitying. But now I'm in Christian counselling and learning to set boundaries, speak up when I need to, and maybe the most liberating right now - feeling the anger that I've buried for years.
I've struggled with depression, self-harming behaviors, doubts about God's love for me and His forgiveness, etc. I could share 40+ years of horror stories about my life, but I'm already tired of typing.
Hearing peoples stories has helped me to realize what's been happening in my life, and I'm so grateful to all of you who write. This is the first time I've ever written on a blog.
I hope it helps someone.