The power of positive parenting has got nothing to do with power in the sense of external force or control in relation to your kids. Nothing whatsoever!
No, positive parenting is about focusing in on and using your inner strengths and qualities (such as unconditional love and support, deep presence, respect, tolerance and acceptance) as a parent to bring out the best in your kids and empower them!
Your own empowerment will inevitably lead to your children's empowerment. This is the raw power of positive parenting.
In this way positive parenting is not about applying more control over your kids, or trying to discipline them more, or setting firmer rules or more effective means of punishment.
In fact, I would even go so far as to say that positive parenting has got nothing to do with child discipline or child behavior as such!
However, it's got everything to do with your OWN 'discipline' or 'behavior' as a parent.
Because your actions, behavior and mindset set the behavior agenda as you are a mirror to your kids!
The mirror effect can be both a curse and a blessing as it makes sure that your attitude and behavior is in some way reproduced in your kids.
This is actually a really good thing because you can now turn the mirror effect to your advantage.
By applying the power of the mirror effect, you can now finally relax about how to improve discipline, rules, punishments, bribes ... all these different discipline techniques that aim at one thing: controlling your kids by whatever means possible!
So why don't you need these discipline aspects?
Because these behavior control measures become unnecessary when you are parenting from a position of high awareness, love, support, acceptance and mutual respect.
Seen from a higher perspective, control is about 'keeping down' whereas unconditional acceptance is about freeing and growth. These are two completely different directions.
Okay, you may think, these thoughts are great but seem a bit farfetched and smell of 'it's-all-about-making-love-not-war-unrealistic-hippie-ideology'!
This scepticism is understandable but hopefully my words on positive parenting have also provoked you to read on a bit more.
Becoming aware of our own behavior and its effects is step number one in using positive parenting and empowering children.
Step number two is not trying not to yell at, talk down to, be rigidly unbendable towards your kids, simply because your kids will implicitly learn to do this as well.
Simple: You get what you give!:
These are unfortunate examples of the mirror effect.
But fortunately you can also use the mirror effect to bring out the best in your kid which is what makes the power positive parenting so incredibly powerful.
Many parents are so stressed with their kids' behavior that they think that the solution to their problems is more control.
They think they need an effective 'hard-hitting' instrument that brings out instant obedience in their kids.
Before doing the parenting worksheet exercise below, I would like to present you with some questions which will hopefully clarify what it is you actually want from your child.
Now, what do you want the most?
Do you want your child to do what you say because:
Now, the first strategy in the example is effective in the short term, sure! And it is by far the most widespread strategy among parents. However, it focuses on control rather than growth - keeping children down rather than freeing them!
The second strategy focuses building high self esteem and preparing a child to become a responsible and caring adult that actually dares to question limiting beliefs and norms.
Thinking about which basic life skills you want to give your kid is preparing your kid for a lifetime of conscious, happy living.
To apply positive parenting in your own life, I recommend that you do this positive parenting worksheet exercise below.
This parenting worksheet will help you become more conscious about the way you appear towards your child.
It will help you become aware of the mirror effect - that your child will copy and reproduce (in his or her own way) the behavior you tend to show towards your kid.
For instance, your tone of voice (calm or harsh), the energy you transmit (e.g. accepting or stressed), your attitude (open or condemning), your sense of presence (e.g. tuning in / being in the now or distant or intimidating), all have a tremendous impact on your kid's sense of self and his or her behavior.
Enough talking, let's get down into business:
Using the Power of Positive Parenting
I hope this parenting article and parenting worksheet about the power of positive parenting was of use to you. If you want more articles on children empowerment and positive parenting, just dig in below!
Your Positive Parenting Ally,
Being a parent can feel like a double-edged sword. Life with kids may feel like the greatest gift you have ever received, while at the same being hugely challenging, often leaving you confused, stressed and overwhelmed.
When we feel like this, we've lost touch with ourselves. We can't hear our own inner voice, and it's difficult to know what is 'right' for us and how to act.
I offer in-depth parent coaching to help you regain your balance and get back in touch with yourself. From a place of inner peace and clarity, your will find your own answers which will help you reconnect with your child from a place of unconditional love and acceptance.
Read more about my parent coaching here.
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